i lay in bed thinking about all the possibilities for myself. 

for so long i was suffocated by gender normative expectations.

then, something unlocked.

a liberating feeling that compelled me to act fast.

but it is past midnight, where could i even go? 

i open my laptop…

the internet was designed for times like these.

i open a new window to window shop, 

simply looking at designs, trends, fits. 

needing to understand the vast world of fashion. 

but i make a crucial mistake. 

instead of opening items in new tabs or bookmarking, 

i add to cart. 

the plan was to sift through, remove most, 

and buy a few items if i felt really compelled. 

as i explored more, my fantasies start to become…

real… grounded… 

almost like it was a thought drifting in space, 

but heroically i take it in and give it a home. 

visceral. that was the rush i had; 

scrolling, clicking, imagining. 

starting to truly see myself…

in the tops, pants, and accessories. 

then, in a tragic misstep, i checkout. 

money gone. i grew fearful. 

then i remember the rush… 

RECLAMATION. 

and it all becomes worth it. 

i exercise allowance… finally.