it's a hard thing to tackle: 

knowing you’re in the wrong,

not knowing to what extent. 

realistically, one can assume wrongdoing on their part…

if it is a recurring tension. 

i can be at peace with that. 

however, the extent or nuance is tricky. 

i can never put my finger on it, 

most likely out of a programmed coping mechanism…

blinders toward the entire issue.

i tell myself that if i live each day with the same energy, 

eventually i will have the data needed to be conclusive. 

but whenever i ask the questions…

or break the fourth wall in this charade…

i am faced with resilience. or, at best, reluctance…

a small window of opportunity to retrieve anything constructive. 

i hate to address this like it's a science experiment…

ultimately that loses its inherent humanity. 

i was not given the resources to know an alternative.

the result of being made to feel guilty…

to the point that it becomes your default state of being.