Belonging means a lot of different things to a lot of different people, but for many it can be represented by a physical home and the people that inhabit it. This physical home could be a house, a hometown, an entire nation or region, or some other type of location. It’s the place you see on the map and feel like is your origin, not just in a literal sense, but in a spiritual sense too. No matter how far you distance yourself from it, you feel tethered to it by some invisible string. The people that inhabit this place tend to be similar to you. In your upbringing, you were taught to establish some sort of uniformity with these people, or at least be able to act complementary. You wouldn’t fight this notion, this tradition, this generational cycle, because you look up to and admire these people. You see yourself in them, even if they’re dozens of years older, or by the time you’ve grown up and a new generation has spawned, dozens of years younger. They’re your kind. They’re a broader sense of who you are. Your heart’s compass will always lead you back to one of these people at minimum. You have an unspoken connection that never needs explanation, it’s just felt, and it’s felt without fear or hesitation.

Belonging isn’t always represented by these things, such is the case for myself. Maybe I feigned a familiarity with those around me in my first hometown, but as soon as I had moved, I felt that invisible string snap. That is, if I was ever born with one in the first place. I’m untethered. Origin is a word that can only be accurately described as literal to me. I can speculate some sort of spiritual origin, but it may take a few more decades to be able to know what that really is. I was incapable of being uniform or complementary, I fought it. Traditions and cycles never suited me. I admired some of these people but I could never see myself in them, quite the opposite. I couldn’t imagine myself growing up to be like them, and when I see the new generations it’s hard to imagine I was ever like them in any way. There was no unspoken connection, and I wanted an explanation as to why. This doubt produced fear and hesitation. My heart’s compass led me astray… or maybe it just was leading me to people that I hadn’t met yet. 

Belonging is a much more abstract idea to me. Not to say it’s complicated, because is any family or home ever really simple? I guess it’s just harder for me to take for granted, as it’s less typical, it’s less understood, and unfortunately, it’s not reciprocated as often (or as intensely). I don’t feel tethered to it in a traditional sense, as the feeling exists more so in fleeting moments, and doesn’t act as a static, objective, cemented person, place or thing. Sometimes I feel tethered to its source, but it isn’t as dependable, this connection can be broken easily. Another theory may be that it’s never broken, but it’s easily forgotten or neglected. You can go the rest of your life ignoring the fact that you’re still spiritually linked to it. However, I don’t wish to forget, so I’m keeping a list: